how i dealt with my sons death

by Peggy Mcgowan
how i dealt with the death of my son,you birth your child in the world to watch them grow up the last thing i expected to happen is to bury my child before me, and yet when this happen we are so unprepared for this to happen.espeacially when it is a child of 18 months old.my son was born very sick he had spinalibifida,he was born with his back open after 11 hours of closing his back up he manage to survive.about a week later he had to have brain surgery due to ,the fact he had fluid on his brain causing his head to swell he survived this operation.he stayed in the hospital for months after having 3 brain surgery trying to repair his skull because it wasn,t fully made at birth.he was very sick for many months it took him about 3 months before he even got a chance to come home for the first time.i his mother had no patiences what so ever i had to learn patience and learn in a hurry he needed me ,i could have put him in a home and let others care for him but instead i took care of him myself as best i could.when i was carrying my son, some days he didn,t move at all i was told by the doctor since the baby was not moving as he should i should be coming in regularly to be tested to try to get a heart beat . he couldn,t get a heart beat for a long time the doctor told me ,when i came back and there was no heart beat at that time he was going to call the baby still born but i had to carry the baby full term.when i return to the doctor. the doctor,heard a heart beat very weak but his heart was beating.the doctor told me his thoughts he felt the baby was in some sort of trouble but i had to wait until the baby was born to see what would happen.i carried the baby full term and when i went into labor i was dilating and yet the baby wasn,t getting closer to coming so i had to have a c-section because the doctor said, the baby was in trouble and needed help.so the baby was born very sick and had many problems .the doctor said he would be a vegetable i still wanted to keep him ,and try to help him as best i could.so after months of surgery and my son, always beening sick.one christmas eve morning he was sleeping longer then unsual i went to awaken him i shook him he did not awaken and finally he did wake up only to die in my arms i called the doctor ,but on the way to the hospital he was already died with his eyes open.i took his toys back to the store and got the money from his toys and appllied it to his funeral to be be buried.this was very hard for me,because i loved him very much.i buried him dec 28.dealing with it was very hard i didn,t know how to deal with the death of my son.i think there is not a right way or a wrong way to deal with death. for a long time i tried to replace him by having another child until i had to realize he can never be replaced so i waited 10 years before i decide to adopt a child i was afraid of having another child and having to watch that child, suffer.see with my son, i really loved hard and to lose him really hurt me so badly. it seems as something inside you died.his death left me, fulled with so many emotion.asking god to help me get through this it,s very painffull and no one is prepared for death by any means.mine you i did not smoke while pregnant are drink i asked why this child was born this way?my message to any pregnant mothers if you are expecting and your baby don,t move while carrying the baby you need to seek medical care as soon as possible.

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